The Yuy Theory
by Kristeta
Summary: A stupid theory my friends and I came up about heero yuy's perfect soldier thang while killing time before our next class.Major self-insertion.


A Heero Yuy Theory  
  
STandard Disclaimer Applies.  
  
I don't own Gundam Wing nor El Hazard,I just like having fun  
watching Heero and Jinnai molt around the place.  
  
I belong to myself.  
Vincent belongs to himself.But I wanna have his Nokia 8250 and his car.  
Jester belongs to himself too,I don't wanna have a piece of him   
  
*shrudders at the thought*  
  
Arigato to Apol *another author here at ffn.net* for the phone  
conversation last night and inspiring me to do this fic with  
my other crazy premed friends.  
  
ON WITH THE STORY MINNA!  
  
Once upon a time,there were three crazy premed students who failed in  
their qualifying exam to go on their junior year in premed and someday  
become stinking-freakin' rich doctors....  
  
kristeta:*cough* *cough*vincent,i'm supposed to write this one,not you?  
  
vincent:i was just getting into character dammit!  
  
kristeta:shut the hell up dragon boy!  
  
vincent:hey jester?why so quiet dude?  
  
jester:HUSH!SOMEONE'S COMING!  
  
kristeta:is it our professor? finally!he showed up!  
  
vincent:hell yeah,but look,there's only THREE OF US IN HERE?  
  
k&j: oo nga noooh........  
  
*this is tagalog,in english it means "oh yeah yeaaaaaahhhhhhh...i didn't   
notice"   
this is said in a tone of wonder.ok?  
  
The door to the classroom opens,but all of a sudden mist engulfs the   
classroom.  
  
jester:hey,the airconditioner's screwing up!  
  
vincent:what's with the smoke,dude?OH NO!THERE'S A FIRE!FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!!!  
  
kristeta:smoke?!smoke?!  
  
jester:yeah dude!smoke!  
  
kristeta:i'm asthmatic!i won't be able to breathe!!!gaahh!!!  
  
mysterious voice at the door:KIDS,SHUT THE HELL UP!  
  
all 3:hey.... i know that voice....  
  
mysterious voice:that's right!I AM THE ALL MAGNIFICO DOCTOR J!!!  
  
all 3: *massive sweatdrop*  
  
doc j:that's right,i'll be your professor in this subject Sociology-Anthropology.  
  
kristeta:but i thought they dissolved this subject,sir.  
  
doc j:worry no more kiddos!doctor j is coming to town!  
  
3: ............  
  
doc j:alrighty then!let's start the lesson!we'll talk about the origin of  
extraordinary humans!class,welcome your specimen,MR.HEERO YUY!  
  
kristeta:*nosebleeds*MY GAWD!!!!LOOK AT THOSE BICEPS!!!!and look at that  
wardrobe...geez....  
  
vincent and jester double up in laughter.  
  
vincent:MY GOD!IT'S THE PSYCHOTIC SPANDEX WEARER DUDE!!!  
  
jester:sumimasen,yuy-san.but do you endorse spandex shorts?  
  
heero:*death glare*  
  
doc j:now now heero,behave in front of the future doctors.who knows,they might  
be able to discover a new alloy in the future to help make your Wing Zero more  
invincible.  
  
kristeta:yeah right.wing zero my ass.WANG ZERO is more like it!  
  
doctor j goes up to the lecture podium and points at heero using stick thingy  
you see professors use in colleges.  
  
d.j.:THIS *points at heero and prods him with the stick* is not your   
run-of-the-mill human being.he is THE PERFECT SOLDIER.  
  
at this point the three people are practically dead from laughing too hard.  
  
d.j.:alright!since no one is listening!graded recitation!  
  
all 3:uh oh.  
  
d.j.:KRISTETA!  
  
kristeta:yes doc?  
  
d.j.:what do you think is the attribute to heero yuy's "no feeling thing"?  
  
kristeta:*stands up and thinks for a moment*  
  
d.j.:well?do we have an answer?  
  
kristeta:i think i do sir.doctor j,may i ask you something first before i answer?  
  
d.j.:certainly.  
  
kristeta:doc,do you watch el hazard?  
  
vincent and jester laugh like hell.  
  
jester:oh god...i think i'm dying. *farts*  
  
everyone,except heero:EWWWWWW!GROSS!  
  
d.j.:what is the connection between el hazard and heero?  
  
kristeta:well,sir.do you recall characters called "bagrams" in the said anime?  
  
d.j.:yes.......  
  
kristeta:and isn't it that heero was treated and had trained in outer space?  
well,then!i'd say some interdimensional portal probably sprung a leak and some  
bagram droppings probably came with it and it just so happened that that leak's   
location is in the place where you store your chemicals that you shove in heero.  
and some bagram droppings-  
  
vincent:bagram shit is more like it.  
  
kristeta:do you mind?i'm talking here?  
  
jester:she's sucking to the profe--ssoor!*in a singsong voice*  
  
kristeta:SHUT UP FARTY!  
  
vincent laughs like hell again.  
  
kristeta:*aherm* continuing on...since some bagram droppings were mixed in the  
said chemicals,they released some sort of lipo-protein crap and reacted well  
with heero's immunity system.AND!*kristeta is on a roll here* since those  
bagrams probably evolved from cockroaches and since cockroaches have a really  
strong sense of survival.I! THEREFORE!CONCLUDE!THAT HEERO YUY HAS SOME COCKROACH  
GENES IN HIM WHICH THEREFORE AIDS HIM TO BE THE PERFECT SOLDIER!  
  
d.j.:very good!  
  
*the bell rings*  
  
vincent:oh god,this is SO like britney spears.  
  
*suddenly dances like britney in the college of medicine halls*  
  
jester:uh,vincent?  
  
vincent:*stops dancing*jester,do you mind?i'm dancing here?  
  
jester:you forgot your silicon breasts...  
  
OWARI...  
  
gomen for this really crappy fic minna.  
  
please read and review. 


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